Funny Things You Should Never Say To A Police Officer

You have just left an awesome party and have turned on the radio. You are having a jolly old time screaming at the top of your lungs to "Life Is A Highway" by Rascal Flatts. Life could not get any better than at this present moment. You are on "Cloud 9". You are "On Top Of The World". You are...and then it happens...The sirens begin to sound and the blue and red lights flicker back and forth like fireworks.

In the meantime, the radio has switched over to "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. You think to yourself, "Really, couldn't the radio of picked any other song than this one? This is one of the most depressing songs ever!" By this time, your happiness has been replaced with nervous anxiety as you begin to pull over to the side of the road. This is one of those moments you wish you could just curl up and disappear! "If only life were that easy", you think outloud.

As you are pulling over and coming to a steady halt, several questions begin to race through your mind. "How will I ever pay for this ticket? I used all of my paycheck on late night Taco Bell outings!" "What will my spouse say? I don't want to be grounded again!" "How will I hide this from my family? They will shun me and make me watch the Lifetime channel all by myself!" As these thoughts are flying through your brain and being replaced with new thoughts, you make a very good observation.

Whatever you do, you probably should not take the advice of your Grandpa Rudy. As he was selling you the car several years ago, he stuffed a paper in the glove box exclaiming, "If you ever get pulled over, take out this paper and memorize three or four of the statements!"

The paper is entitled, "How To Annoy A Cop: 21 Creative Ways!"

Would you like to write a humorous hub like this one on things not to say to an officer? Well you can and it is simple, fast and free! Click here, and you can be well on your way to doing what what you love to do and making money at the same time!

1. How long is this going to take Sir? Your wife and I are going out for coffee soon.. Why do you think I was speeding?

2. So that is what those flashing lights in the work zone mean? I always thought they were there for decoration.

3. No, I don't know how fast I was going. My little needle thingamajig stops at 105mph. Besides, isn't that your job to know these things?

4. I know I was weaving but I was trying to run over all the Leprechauns! Can't a guy have some fun these days? Sheesh!

5. Sir, you should just ignore this whole situation and keep driving. I heard that the Dunkin Donuts off of Exit 67 is having a special deal!

6. Sorry Officer, I didn't realize that my radar detector was broken. I just hate it when that happens; it gets me every time!

7. Sir, could you please hold my liquor while I attempt to find fake ID? Sure, you can have some if you want, only a little. And what? You don't take fake ID's anymore! What is this world coming too?!

8. All right, I need to get something cleared up before we continue here. Is it true that you all become cops because you can't get accepted into McDonalds?

9. Sorry sir, but could you come back in a few minutes? I am in the middle of a phone call with Al Capone's great grandson. We are going over some blueprints and ideas for our late night extravaganza next week.

10. You do realize that I pay your salary, right? Things could get a little interesting here, are you sure you want to continue?

11. Did you pull me over because of the cocaine, the hostage I have in the back, or the fact that the license plate is missing? The missing license plate? Are you serious?

(The song lyrics "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter start to play in your head, and you can't get them out!)

12. Whoooooops! That is the fake one, let me grab the other one! Silly Me, it's probably the drinks kickin' in!

13. Thanks so much officer! Last night, the cop gave me a word of warning as well, you guys are so gracious!

14. Officer, I am a humble guy so correct me if I am wrong. But isn't it like required for all cops to be in ya know...decent condition? Why am I asking? Oh, no reason in particular(as you slowly gaze up and down his body).

15. Sir, there is absolutely no way I was going 90! My cruise control was set at 85!

16. Sir,would you like to be let in on a little secret? Well, I am going to share it with you anyway. I was going to become a cop but I chose to graduate high school instead. TRUE STORY!

17. Sir, I was only keeping up with the flow of traffic. Well, yeah of course there are no cars around! They are all way ahead of me. I am trying to play catch up, and you are only impeding me!

18. Sir, you must have been going like 110mph to keep up with me, I am impressed!

19. Sir, if only you had what I had a few minutes ago, you wouldn't be so uptight! Just chill man, relax...everything is smooth sailing here.

20. You looked really bored, so I thought I would do you a favor. Wasn't that so very kind of me?

And the last reason for all of you HubPages fans!

21. Sir, I was rushing home so I could check up on all of the comments I got on my Hub Of The Day! (wishful thinking for the author of this hub, wishful thinking...)

Sorry to burst your bubbles yet again, but this list will probably not get you out of a ticket. Saying any one of these things will probably tick the cop off and you will forever be on his bad side! He will share this story with every cop he knows! You will be on the town's radar for sure! If you do manage to pull off using any one these sayings, remember that you will be getting HubHugs for life! Those don't come often and are not given out like candy!

Also just for your reference, "If I Die Young" is actually a great song! If you have never heard of it, you can look above. I have added a capsule just for you!

And the Lifetime channel, believe it or not, does have a few good movies every now and then.

Well, good luck to everyone on their journeys. And remember, if a cop ever tries to impede you in catching up with the flow of traffic, your ticket to freedom is only one phrase away! Or is it?